May 6, 2011

I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— John 10:14

May 6, 2011 Amman

I will remember this night for a while. I was scheduled to teach twice the next day, initially giving my testimony and the lesson on Hope in the morning and then later on in the afternoon, teaching the Housekeeping Choice, where we confess our faults to myself, to God, and to someone we trust. I had taught both in Egypt so prepared enough but I still felt uncomfortable asking men and women to be transparent in a culture where there could be severe repercussions should their trust be violated. About one in the morning I was awaken by my coughing. It almost felt as though the infection in my sore throat had rolled down my airway as a ball and was now camped in my bronchial tubes and upper lungs. I spent the rest of the night restless, praying about the lessons and getting up to google a couple of Bible passages dealing with God’s way not being our way (Isaiah 55) and God using the foolish to shame the wise I Corinthians 1:27, verses I wanted to use in my opening. The reference John 10:14 kept coming into my mind. Off the top of my head I had no idea what it was so I googled it as well: I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me. I took it to mean that God would not lead me to say anything that would harm anyone, that those who had ears to hear would do so, and that just as I needed to trust God in my life to lead me into good pastures, I need to trust him to do the same for these dear believers. It was only later, as I was reading my journal and starting to blog that I saw that passage I wrote back in January before the first trip was canceled, the one from Isaiah: He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; Isaiah 40:11. God obviously was staying on task even if I was wobbling about a bit.

Don and I had been running just after dawn through downtown Amman the past couple of days and he talked me into running that morning as well. I was trying to decide just how sick I was, so I figured I would go slow, turn around if I felt bad, and walk if need be. Well I did have to turn around and walk a fair part of the distance back to the hotel. My symptoms seemed to be getting worse. By the time we got to the conference site I sinuses were draining and I would cough so hard at times I feared I might black out. I took an Aleve and just prayed God would give me the strength to do so. Although I have no idea what I said that day and I had to lay down briefly between teaching (and miss Larry’s testimony), I was told I was coherent; even my nose held off draining while I taught. Wahid just smiled at me later saying God sometimes has to just physically take us out of the way so we can be of use.

Returning to the hotel I immediately crashed and slept for two hours. Don woke me about 7:30 p.m. and talked me into going down to get something to eat. Don was most kind to me; I sat off from everyone in the dining room, not wanting to spread my germs any more than I already had and Don joined me to keep me company, saying he was undoubtedly already been exposed. I appreciated and was comforted by his presence immensely; he is a good friend. Angela gave me some Nyquil and soon after dinner I fell into a long seven hour sleep.